Proposal: Ban Fat Asses In Public!
My friend Michael Musto is on a crusade to ban fat asses in public. He writes: ‘I’m not saying that we, I mean they, shouldn’t exist, mind you–just that they should be forced by law to stay home rather than be seen in view of sensitive humans. They can just sit there and do some freelance job or other and order takeout–and get fatter and fatter, for all I care–as long as they don’t venture outside and destroy daylight with their misshapen shadows.’ The problem with your modest proposal, Michael, is that there are thousands of men, at least on the streets of New York, which I patrol daily, who hungrily lap up the sight of those fat asses packed into tight jeans. The asses, in ‘hood lingo, are called “cakes.” And a whole subculture lives and breathes to peel off the wrapper and lick the frosting!
